Self Love Through Inner Child Healing
Last episode I said that our suffering is caused by trying to be something that we are not. How can we be happy, heal ourselves, or feel whole when we are masking who we really are? Of course doing this will lead to unhappiness and suffering, because all our energy is going towards resisting rather than being who we really are!
I left you with an important question last week that is the key to reconnecting to our authentic self and the joyful healthy state of who we really are: "What did you need when you were a child that you did not get?"
This is an important question that can help us a lot. When we didn't get our needs met in some way or other, to cope with that unmet need our subconscious mind creates a sub-personality, or coping behaviour that would support us to get through and survive the painful experience as best we could. This was a form of dissociation away from the feeling of uncomfortableness in our body that we were feeling when our need went unmet. Often as adults, many years later some of these coping programs are still operating, even though our life circumstances are different and we most likely do not need it anymore. It is as though the program that was created to help us survive a traumatic experience long ago, that as time went by when we didn't need it anymore to survive, it turned survival onto itself to keep the program alive and operating at the cost of our own well being.
When we contemplate what we needed but didn't get, we can then learn what it is we need to heal the unresolved trauma from the old un-met need. We can then learn to give these unmet needs to ourselves to heal the old insecurity enough to fill that void with self love instead of the coping behaviours we used to cover the emptiness over. In a sense, in the past we dissociated from the trauma, away from the unbearable feelings, abandoning these parts of ourselves for the coping sub-personality, and now we are simply re-associating ourselves back to our natural alignment by giving ourselves the loving attention and feelings we needed then.
The more we practice sitting with our body, meditating on our breathing and inner felt sensations, the more we will tune into the feelings of what we need. If what we needed but didn't get when a child was time and attention, to feel like we mattered, that our emotions and feelings were valid, and supported through them, then simply giving ourselves the time and inner attention to our current feelings, body sensations, wants and needs will not only be giving ourselves the things we needed, but we will be practicing receiving them as well. In a sense our unmet needs will become met with this practice.
Practicing this will strengthen our self-esteem and self-confidence, because when we take the time to do this, we are saying to ourselves "I matter!", acknowledging and making ourselves important. This is Self Love in action!
NEXT EPISODE: Grounding and Centering to the present moment of life through our body connection.